A List of Least Favorites: Food

When I was thinking about what idea I wanted to write about today, I realized that today was kind of a crummy day and I was in a pretty crummy mood. I was having a hard time honing in on a single idea that felt like something I really wanted to get into. So, I decided to come at the prospect a slightly different way. Rather than diving into something I was super excited about, I figured I'd talk about something I didn't much care for.

The following is a list of favorite foods, but in reverse. These are entirely based on my personal opinion and in no way considered to be a factual representation of the worst version of anything. This is just the ramblings of a cranky person on a Monday evening, so please join me for my take on my personally least favorite foods:

  • Least favorite fast food restaurant?

  • I'm a pretty big fan of most fast food places. I have no shame in saying that McDonald's and Taco Bell have more than a few items I absolutely love to order, so this one's kind of tough for me. However, when I think long and hard on it, there's one in particular that stands out above the rest as my absolute least favorite, Chick-Fil-A. Now this isn't really a quality of food sort of issue. In my ignorant days, I tried it and found what they made to be just fine. However, as I've been educated by people far smarter than myself, I've come to realize I can never, and will never, offer that place a dime if I can help it. There are plenty of terrible conglomerations to give my money to, the openly hateful don't need to be one of them.

  • Least favorite ice cream flavor?

  • I absolutely hate the taste of coffee. It's truly awful to me. I understand why people like it so much, and I know I'm weird, but I can't help it. Coffee and all coffee-flavored things are the worst, especially when you're not sure what flavor it is and you bite in to discover the horror. So yeah, I've got to say coffee-flavored ice cream is my least favorite.

  • Least favorite chocolate candy?

  • I don't know if this is cheating, but I absolutely despise "white chocolate", if you can even call that chocolate. The texture and flavor are both awful in equal measure. So anything white chocolate or cookies and cream can just leave me alone. Runner up would have to be a crunch bar. What a disappointing experience.

  • Least favorite fruity candy?

  • This one's super easy. I. Hate. Twizzlers. It's like chewing on wax that wasn't even flavored properly. They're absolutely hideous. No idea why anyone chooses to eat Twizzlers on purpose. Ewww.

  • Least favorite flavor Starburst?

  • Is there a mango Starburst? If there was, it'd probably be that. However, if we're talking the original four? It's gotta go to lemon. There's just something about the harshness of the flavor that's not quite right. I'd almost give it to orange, but that one has such a smooth taste compared to lemon's needless aggression.

  • Least favorite dish at Olive Garden?

  • I don't like most fish, so pretty much any seafood pasta that has fish in it is a hard pass for me.

  • Least favorite kind of sushi?

  • As stated above, I don't like fish or most fish things. There are very few items in the sushi catalog I would even entertain the idea of subjecting myself to, let alone enjoy.

  • Least favorite Asian dish?

  • Anything that's been sitting under the lamp too long at Panda Express.

  • Least favorite Italian dish?

  • Fish hatred aside, maybe eggplant parmesan? Eggplant is so nasty. Flavor and texture both are vomit-worthy.

  • Least favorite food of all time?

  • This is really hard because there's a lot I don't like and a lot I haven't tried, but at this point in my life I'm going to go with canned spinach. There's truly nothing more slimy or disgusting or impossible to choke down than canned spinach.

  • Least favorite way to cook a steak?

  • I hate when steak is overcooked and super tough. A burnt, impossible to chew steak that's had all its flavor cooked out is the saddest thing.

  • Least favorite pasta dish?

  • This may sound dumb, but there's a lot of phenomenal pasta dishes, so I struggle to nail down one I've had that's "the worst". That being said, I'm just going to be nit-picky and say I hate it when people don't combine their noodles and sauce during preparation. Getting a plate of plain noodles with sauce piled on top is just annoying and pointless in my opinion. It's never as good when I have to do it after the fact. (Bonus point, this is my same problem with baked vs mashed potatoes. I don't want to have to mash it in because it's never as good as just making mashed potatoes in the first place).

  • Least favorite cookie?

  • This one's a bit cliche`, but c'mon, who actually loves oatmeal raisin cookies? Do they taste that bad? No. I mean, they're still cookies. I'll eat them if they're on offer. But in the grand scheme of cookies, there's really no contest for the one that's at the bottom of the list if given a choice between that and pretty much any other cookie out there.

  • Least favorite fast food French fries?

  • It's a toss up for me between Burger Kind and Dairy Queen (didn't pick that pair on purpose). I realize their names don't indicate they have a strong fry game, but I can't remember ever having a fry I was genuinely pleased with at either location. It's been so long since I've ordered fries from either, though, that I can't decide which is truly worse.

  • Least favorite cereal?

  • I really don't like Golden Crisp or Honey Smacks (they're the same thing I swear). Both of them start out okay, but the flavor fades instantly and makes for a very styrofoam-esque experience I can't stand.

  • Least favorite breakfast food?

  • I know a lot of people who love it, but I just can't do cottage cheese. No. Just...no, thank you.

  • Least favorite pizza toppings?

  • To each their own, but I'm not a fan of pineapple on pizza. Just doesn't do it for me. I've never had anchovies, though, so there's a good chance that'd be it. Also, artichoke hearts.

  • Least favorite fruit?

  • Mango for sure. I mean no disrespect, I just hate how it tastes.

  • Least favorite vegetable?

  • Not sure if this is cheating, but, as referenced above, canned spinach specifically (frozen is pretty much just as terrible). I don't know if any vegetable has stopped me in my tracks as aggressively as spinach from a can. I've been mid-chew in a stir-fry that I couldn't swallow because it had a big wad of canned or frozen spinach cooked into it that my body just said "hard pass" to.

  • Least favorite way to eat bacon?

  • I absolutely cannot stand overcooked bacon. When it's just brittle and dry and turns to dust in your fingers, that's some terrible bacon. What a waste...

  • Least favorite thing at a buffet?

  • Honestly? It's probably the pizza (thinking back to my days as a kid at Sizzler). The problem is that I really really love pizza, and the stuff on offer at buffets is always absolutely dreadful. It's not like pizza is bad, but the variance from my hopes to reality is ridiculous.

  • Least favorite pumpkin-flavored treat?

  • Probably pumpkin hard cider. Just...no.

  • Least favorite dish at Thanksgiving?

  • Cranberry sauce. It's the jiggliest, sourest no thank you on the table every year.

  • Least favorite cake?

  • Is tiramisu a cake? I'm going to say tiramisu.

  • Least favorite ice cream sundae toppings?

  • Gummy bears. No idea who the hell thought that was a good idea, offering those so they can become rock hard bricks before you shattered your teeth on them.

  • Least favorite thing to cook?

  • Probably anything that's supposed to be breaded and deep fried. It's not that it isn't good, it's just that the amount of time and effort to actual put the dish together is infuriating. Hours gone (probably because I'm just not very good at what I'm doing) for food that just leaves me yearning to have ordered it from somewhere in the first place.

  • Least favorite soda?

  • I've heard of some sodas I'm sure I'd hate, but in the interest of stuff I've actually tasted, I've got to say that Surge was the nastiest thing I can remember subjecting myself to growing up. I honestly have no idea why I drank that awful sludge willingly. Honorable mentions to diet Dr. Pepper and pretty much any grape soda, though.

  • Least favorite alcoholic drink?

  • I can't stand whisky. I know that's controversial and I mean no insult by it, we just don't mix well. So pretty much anything made with whisky is my least favorite alcoholic drink, maybe an old fashioned or something like that (except Fireball, but I think we can all agree Fireball doesn't count).

So that's it! Hope I didn't alienate too many of you with my picky ways. What are some of your least favorite foods? Do you despise anything everyone else seems to love? I'd love to hear all about it!

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